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Pain Diary
Thursday, April 7 2016
Woke up at 8:00 am today. That’s early for me these days. Usually I try to sleep in as long as possible, because if I’m not awake, I can’t be in pain.
Got to the office around 9:00 am. It’s hard walking around and trying to be normal with everyone in the office, but I do my best. I did manage to go to the gym on my lunch break. Had a decent back workout but was really hurting with the scrotal pain afterwards.
My feelings changed a lot between hopeful and desperation today. I still have a glimmer of hope that I can be out of this horrific pain one day, and I get excited when I think about that. But I get scared when I think about the fact that I may never get out. I may always have to live with burning pain in my scrotum because of what was done to me. What will I do then? I think I know what I will do, what I will HAVE to do, and that scares me because I don’t want to do that. I shouldn’t have to.
Took 10 mg about 30 minutes ago. Eyes are getting heavy again. I should get up right now and take a shower, but I think I may just fall asleep instead. Thank God I am still somehow able to sleep despite the pain. Sleep is the only time I can be at peace.
Goodnight, diary.
